Looking after your mental health during the holiday season

The holiday season isn’t a time of celebration and merriment for everyone and, often, this time of year can bring about feelings of loneliness, depression and overwhelm. In fact, a quarter of people surveyed state that Christmas makes their mental health worse and over half feel worried about the mental health of someone they know at Christmas time¹.

Below, Dr Lisa Cotter, Integrative Psychotherapist and Counsellor, identifies some helpful tips to managing difficult feelings over the holiday period:

1. Saying no to things you don’t want to do

Having boundaries around your personal wants and needs can feel difficult at times, especially if you have a tendency to people-please or de-prioritise yourself. The festive season can quickly get hijacked by what we think we should be doing, rather than what we want to be doing, which can lead to us saying ‘yes’ and over-committing our time and energy. This can quickly become overwhelming and exhausting and leave us feeling resentful and disconnected from ourselves.

If you find it difficult to say ‘no’, try practicing a short pause before responding to the request – this can create a space to respond, rather than react and can allow you time to really consider what is being asked of you. If the feeling of dread washes over you when asked to go for festive drinks, or feelings of resentment creep in when a family member asks you to travel for the holidays, try taking a moment to reflect on what is happening in your body, and what these feelings or sensations might be signalling to you about your needs. Tuning in to your bodily sensations can increase your level of self-awareness and enable you to reflect on how these requests align with your wishes. Take pause to consider what a meaningful holiday season looks like for you and how the decisions you are making fit with your personal values, regardless of external messages and pressures.

Using ‘I-statements’ can be a good way to communicate a boundary as it reduces the likelihood of defensiveness in the listener e.g. “I feel overwhelmed at the thought of travelling and I really want to enjoy my break, so I need to stay home this year”.

Remember: Saying ‘yes’ to others when you don’t want to do something is like saying ‘no’ to yourself

*if you are a carer and have commitments to uphold which do not permit saying ‘no’, setting small boundaries for yourself where possible can create a sense of agency e.g. “I will tend to that person’s need, and then I will do ‘x’ for myself”.

2. Take a social media break

Comparing our lives with others, especially during the holiday season, can make us feel as though we aren’t doing enough and even that we aren’t enough. Whilst we know that these snapshots of people’s lives don’t represent the whole picture, it can still turn what would be enjoyable moments – a lazy Sunday watching festive movies, or a crisp morning walk in the park – into moments of comparison. Not only can this leave us feeling unfulfilled, guilty, lonely and self-critical, but it can take us away from truly enjoying what is in front of us and alienate us from our personal values.

Taking a break from social media (and phones in general) can help us to be more present and creates space for us to do things that align with our wants and needs, whilst reducing those ‘compare and despair’ moments. Like anything we stop doing suddenly, it can create a sense of withdrawal when taken away, so try working towards it gradually – reducing your usage slowly until you feel able to have a few days’ break completely over the holiday period.

Remember: People might be posting online because they feel guilty, unhappy or disconnected themselves.

3. Embrace a holistic approach to your wellbeing

If you are a parent to young children, a carer, or perhaps a people-pleaser in general, the holiday season can quickly become all about other people, often at the expense of your own wellbeing. Whilst it is okay to take time and energy to celebrate those you love, this can also be a time to celebrate yourself and nurture your own needs, both physically and emotionally. Here are a few simple pointers that can increase your sense of wellness and promote a more balanced holiday season:

• Get outside every day if you are able to, preferably in nature. Spending time in nature has been shown to ease symptoms of depression and fatigue, and lower stress and anxiety levels. Spending time in nature can help us feel connected to the wider world which can increase our sense of happiness and contentment and reduce feelings of isolation, which can be especially prevalent during the holiday season. Even just having a view of nature out of a window has been shown to have beneficial effects on physical and emotional wellbeing.

• Take shortcuts to enable sufficient time to rest and recoup. Cooking, cleaning, gift wrapping and travelling all take time and energy so think about how these tasks can be scaled back or outsourced. Buying pre-made food, using gift bags instead of wrapping, regifting old and unwanted items to reduce financial and shopping stress, and limiting travel can enable more time to rest and recharge ahead of the New Year.

• Create a new tradition – something financially feasible that will bring you joy and can make you feel connected to your values and the people you chose to share it with. This could be as simple as making cookies that you share with neighbours, hot chocolates with friends, starting a jigsaw puzzle or maybe something that helps you honour a loved one that has passed. Nostalgia can help when you’re feeling down or lonely, so incorporating traditions can promote an overall sense of wellbeing during the holiday season for years to come.  *

*Whilst traditions can bring nostalgia and joy, give yourself permission to let go of traditions that don’t serve you anymore or create an added burden and stress to the holiday season.

Remember: Your physical and emotional wellbeing are important too!

References:

1. YouGov UK (2019)